Sunday, July 28, 2013

Fraud? Speaker with a dark past ‘Mister Never Give Up’ is planning performances in Antwerp by Dennis van Damme, Gazet Van Antwerpen

http://f.cl.ly/items/3209250X1c1S433g2B3j/GVA-20130706-00016001.pdf

The following is a translation of an  article written in Dutch by Dennis van Damme in the Belgian Gazet Van Antwerpen on July 6, 2013.

Who is the mysterious Mister Never Give Up who is planning a show in Antwerp in December? According to him, he is a source of inspiration for everyone who has problems. But according to others he is a seasoned fraud who has swindled many people of their money.

Mister Never Give up is coming to Belgium in December. “He will do a series of shows in Antwerp,” an enthusiastic press release announces. “That these shows will be remarkable, and that a whole lot of special guests can be expected, seems all but assured.”
According to the same press release, Mister Never Give Up is “much more than a motivational speaker, he is the ‘motivational rock star’ of Facebook. A real countryman who has had an international breakthrough.”

Disco

To be clear, Mister Never Give Up is Alain Horoit. He was born in Berche
m, spent a large part of his life in Berchem, and is currently living in Spain. According to him, he was active for many years in the entertainment industry, and among other things, he managed the disco Sotto’s in Zottegem.

“I was on top”, Horoit says in a phone conversation with this paper. I had personnel, I had money, but I also had a lot to lose. A few years ago I went bankrupt. I didn’t see a way out. In those five minutes that I considered giving everything up, Mister Never Give Up was born.”

Mister Never Give Up is, according to Horoit, a sort of mentor to anyone who has fallen on hard times and does not see a way out. He wrote a book about it that was sold through the Internet. Horoit is most active on Facebook. “My page has over 310.000 followers”, he says. “And those aren’t just people who have clicked on ‘Like’. I get emails daily from people who are asking for my help and advice. Those are the people that I do this for.”

Guest speakers

The show in December will be in English. “I tell my story and try to motivate people to never give up. The guest speakers are other motivational speakers who are especially active on Facebook under names such as ‘Inspirational Positive Quotes’ and ‘Lessons Learned in Life’.”

Tickets aren’t cheap: they cost 24.95 or 29.95 euro. About this Horoit is clear: “You cannot expect to pay the price of a cinema ticket for a show that will change your life.”

But Alain Horoit does not remain someone who is not spoken about. Moreover, the more we examine his past, the more people and organizations we encounter who have a bone to pick with the man. “He is a complete swindler,” was the reaction of Michael Freilich of the magazine Joods Actueel. “In 2010 he ordered an advertisement with us, but he never paid.”

Horoit, who is Jewish, needed the ad to promote a gala ball for the Jewish community that he had organized in the Radisson Blu hotel near the Stadspark. The ball would turn out to be a flop. Joods Actueel is one of many parties who were left with a bitter taste after the ball.

Gaining trust

Horoit also placed an ad in the Dutch Jewish magazine Benjamin without paying. Many people who were involved with organizing the party, were presented with bills afterwards for services that Horoit had ordered. Similarly with his former friend Marco Devaux:

“I suddenly received a bill for 25,000 euro for the rent of the party hall and a bunch of hotel rooms in the Hilton Hotel,” Davaux said. “I went into business with him because I knew his whole family and trusted him. We had arranged that he would organize the events and that we would sell tickets through my company, on which I would receive a three per cent commission. We hadn’t written this agreement down. This was stupid of me, but Horoit is very good at gaining people’s trust. His method is simple. He borrows money from one to close the holes at another. In total I have lent him 16,000 euro, money I have never seen again. I did have to pay 1,500 euro in legal fees only to prove that Horoit, not I, had booked the hotel rooms and party hall.”

Not all victims have pressed charges against Horoit. For some the legal fees would be higher than the loss they have suffered. The Dutchman Nathan Bouscher (29) was asked to arrange transportation for several guests from Amsterdam to the gala ball in Antwerp. Also he received a bill from the bus company, while Horoit had promised to pay. “In my case this concerns a bit more than 700 euro,” Bouscher says. “If I were to challenge him in court, I would lose more money.”

Judicial investigation

In Antwerp there is an investigation running against Horoit for suspected fraud and forgery. The man is also known with the courts in Dendermonde and Brussels. With a Dutch musician was in a legal clinch about thousands of euros of royalties. The biggest case file against Horoit is in Germany. A 37-year old woman, who wishes to remain anonymous and with whom Horoit had a relationship, bundled a number of complaints. She claims she has lent him 10,000 euro. Also she never saw her money back. Because Horoit is living in hiding in Spain, the legal proceedings in Germany are currently stuck.

It is also remarkable that the Antwerp cinema complex UGC, where the Mister Never Give Up Show is supposed to take place according to the press release, have never heard of him.

“Jealous stalker”

Horoit himself denies all allegations of fraud. He was still looking for another location for his show. “All those people are talking a lot, but they don’t have any proof. I have never been convicted. I have always been strong enough not to respond to such lies. That woman in Germany is a stalker. She is jealous of my success.”

But several victims, such as Marco Devaux and Nathan Bouscher, are convinced that he is trying swindle people out of money again. “His stage name is very well chosen,” Bouscher bitterly remarks. “He really doesn’t give up.”

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Communication with a sociopath – Do not worry about what they think

A few simple steps 
1.  Eliminate emotion from the communication
There are times when we must communicate with individuals with personality disorders.  Often, they see these times as opportunities to abuse, manipulate, and engage us.  If it’s fun to make us angry, they will likely try.  Taking our emotions out of the communication equation, however, will make for less interesting interactions.  So, regardless of what they may include in their communication, we must keep it all business.
2.  Communicate using facts and few words
We should not employ a running commentary on their behavior, our issues with their behavior, or our feelings and wishes.  We should also avoid any type of advice.  We are best served by keeping communication short, simple, and factual.
3.  Stay on topic, communicating only regarding the issue at hand
We tend to write or speak in effort to come to a solution or make collaborative decisions.  We tend to not get anywhere, however, when we are dealing with those with personality disorders.  Frequently, they refuse to answer even direct questions, refuse to directly discuss the issue being addressed, or shift the topic altogether.  Not only are non-responses frustrating and useless wastes of time, but they keep us engaged.  We must learn to communicate regarding relevant material only.
4.  If the other party attempts to shift the topic without resolution, re-direct at once
Naturally, they often try to shift the topic without reaching a conclusion.  Why?  Because a resolution is not what they are looking for and it usually keeps us reeling.  They are not looking to solve matters, in spite of the fact that they will tell us they are.  Rather, the discussion constitutes engagement and opportunity to attack us further or fuel their “supply.”  Resist contributing to this and re-direct them at once.  Do not get lost in their name calling or desire for back and forth.
5.  Communicate stance, but do not repeat
We must say what we mean and mean what we say.  We must resist making threats or presenting ultimatums.  We should make our positions clear in as non-confrontational a way as possible and resist repeatedly covering the same ground with no results.  Typically, we are effective communicators.  Our failure to progress on an issue with a disordered individual is usually not our fault.
6.  Do not waver from that stance due to bullying, set boundaries
Sometimes, if we feel bullied, we may back down in an effort to ameliorate the situation.  That almost never works.  If legitimate facts come to light and we change our positions based on something concrete, that is different.  We need not be bull headed.  However, we should not change our positions simply to keep peace with these personalities.  While under normal circumstances, compromise works well, with them, we will only be seen as weak and they will exploit us at the next opportunity.  And they will see to it that there is a “next opportunity.”  Set boundaries as soon as possible.
7.  Do not worry about what they think
What they think of us will not change.  They view us negatively, and unlike with the non-disordered, our actions will not change that.  Try very hard not to become involved in the debate about responsibility and who is right or wrong.  It is futile.
8.  Do not allow their lies and projection to become part of the truth
Individuals with personality disorders tend to enjoy putting others on the defensive.  That is not a desirable place for us to be.  However, we can choose not to participate.  That does not mean that we should allow their lies to become “facts” either.  We should state the truth once to the audience who needs to hear the truth.  That’s usually enough.  If we carry on for too long, we run the risk of allowing them to alter the “facts.”
9.  Plan ahead for these types of struggles
For the most part, unless being “nice” to us directly benefits them or their cause, it’s safe to say we will not be treated well in these exchanges.  We must accept that and not allow the mistreatment to hurt our feelings or catch us off guard.  Time and a solid understanding of what happens in these exchanges will eventually place them so far away from us emotionally that none of this will matter.
However, in the interim, we must stop looking to them for validation or approval.  It is not coming.  Why do we care what someone overflowing with disorder thinks?  When someone distorts most of their surroundings, would we expect them to properly interpret us?  No.  As mysterious as they seem, the majority of their behavior becomes fairly predictable, once we become experienced.  Further, they all operate similarly enough for us to be able to plan ahead to some extent.